My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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