Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
