I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
