i would punch a child for taco bell
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
