it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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