He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
