that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Success! We fucked roommates!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
