u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
