Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
