I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
