Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
