fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
