The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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