broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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