Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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