Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He passed out mid-signature
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
