Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
