Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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