...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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