I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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