bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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