I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
