Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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