My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
