Welp...herpes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
