Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
