well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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