Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
