the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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