pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
