You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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