you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
