she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
