I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
