...so i touched it.
My hand turned me down
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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