She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
