Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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