I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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