My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
