Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
