upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
