Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
