sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
