Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
