Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
