hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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