It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
