My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
tell me about the eggs
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