I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the day after is always just damage control
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
