gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
